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Gain Success with Self-Discipline

“One of the most important keys to success is having the discipline to do what you know you should do, even when you don’t feel like doing it.” Unknown

In what situation or area of your life do you want or need more self-discipline? Do you have an action you need to take for your business? Maybe you need to make five sales calls a day to reach your career goal or posts five times a day on social media to attract new followers to gain potential clients.  On the other hand, is there a personal goal you would like to achieve, such as losing five pounds, reading one book every month or saving money for a house or your future?

Self-discipline helps us to begin tasks to finish them on time. Performing a task on time prevents us from worrying about doing it at the last minute and doing it well and thus reduces stress. Self-discipline puts us in control of our emotions and ourselves and thus in charge of our lives. Therefore, self-discipline gives us the gift of freedom.  

Then, how do we get ourselves to do the things we need to do to reach our goal to achieve our desired success? In high school, did you try out for cheerleading, despite any associated fear or anxiety of losing and feeling embarrassed, so that you could belong or receive recognition?  Possibly, you worked to achieve good grades to belong to the honor society or to feel proud of yourself for the accomplishment. Did you ever take a particular class that you did not want to take in high school because it was a prerequisite to attend college or for your career major for greater accomplishment and success?

Similarly, in the work environment, have you ever volunteered to work on a project or on the weekend to gain respect and thus influence? Maybe you played volleyball, golf, or baseball at work for the same reasons?

If you made one of the above choices or a similar one, did you sacrifice doing something that would have been more fun? Perhaps, you sacrificed spending time with friends or family.  If you did, the benefit you were going to receive caused you to view your choice to say NO not as self-denial.

Have you heard it said that we have self-discipline when we want to do something or when doing something makes us feel good about ourselves? Abraham Joshua Heschel said, “Self-respect is the root of discipline. The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say No to oneself.”   

Then, to have the self-discipline to choose to do what you need to do, you want to ask yourself, “If I say No to this, how will I say “Yes” to myself? How would saying No to this help me to feel proud, have greater confidence and live with dignity?”

©Dorothy Wehunt and https://lifecoachwehunt.com 2019.

Want to Live in the Present and Increase Your Self-Esteem and Gain Success

Presence is a catalyst for task accomplishment and creating success. When we live in the present, we give our full attention to and engage in what is going on in the now. Doing so promotes task or goal achievement and successful outcomes. Each time we complete a task, we gain confidence in our capability and thus in our ability to reach our goals. We like ourselves. To create greater success, we want to take a closer look at the relationship between presence and our success and self-esteem. 

When we focus on the job that needs doing, we know what it involves. We know what we need to do first to complete the task and to do so successfully. Some tasks require doing the steps of the task sequentially for successful completion. For example, using a recipe to make a cake from scratch usually has directions that call for specific ingredients and adding them in a certain sequence since doing so affects the outcome of the cake most of the time. On the other hand, if a task does not require a step-by-step process for completing it, some people perform the part of the task they consider the easiest to do first. Some other people do the difficult part of the task first to get it out of the way. Thus, we know how to begin, and we start.

However, if a person focuses on future challenges that might occur along the way, what ifs or what could go wrong, the person hinders, and possibly keeps, her or himself from beginning the task. The same is true if a person worries about the outcome or end results. If one does, one undermines one’s confidence and task or goal achievement and thus success.

When we fully engage in the step of the task at hand, we are less likely to make mistakes. We accomplish the task successfully and say to ourselves “Yes” or “Good job.” Thus, we feel capable of performing the next step in the task. Each step we complete leads to the next step. With the successful completion of each step, the more capable and confident we feel. Therefore, our self-esteem grows.

In addition, presence helps us to know how to contribute to a conversation or work discussion or how to introduce our ideas to have them considered. When we give our attention to what others say, verbally and nonverbally, not what we want to say, we are better able to understand the beliefs a person holds and the intensity of the belief or conviction. How receptive or whether others are receptive to what we have to say depends on the strength of their conviction. Therefore, we know if we want to share our viewpoint or idea and how to share it to have it better understood. The more we can present our viewpoint or idea from their frame of reference the more likely we will have it considered and the less conflict we will incur. The earlier we have this awareness the better. Thus, presence helps us to communicate effectively to gain influence and build relationships.

If you want to complete tasks successfully with ease and communicate to gain influence to experience greater success, you want to practice living in the moment beginning today. If you do, you will also experience greater self-esteem.

©Dorothy Wehunt and https://lifecoachwehunt.com 2019.

Release Feelings of Inadequacy

We want to know and feel we can reach our desired goals, express our opinions, and handle criticism, conflict and difficult situations to feel okay.

The negative feedback, verbal or nonverbal, one receives from parents, teachers, and peers, growing up sets the stage for feelings of adequacy. If a person receives put-downs or negative nonverbal, when she or he asks questions or gives his opinion, more than likely, the person experiences self-doubt. Thus, he experiences feelings of “not enough” and “not good enough.” Whether the person stops participating or speaking up in groups depends on the severity and consistency of the put-downs.

However, each of us has the power and right of choice and the freedom to choose. Then, each of us can choose our thoughts. Therefore, we do not have to accept the opinions of others. Choosing what we like and dislike – the food we eat, the style and color of clothes we wear, and movies we watch – helps one to release feelings of inadequacy and feel more capable.

Because we have the ability to think for ourselves, we can look at the tasks we perform each day in our personal and professional lives and what skills and abilities it takes to do them. Therefore, we can choose how we view our accomplishments and thus our qualities, strengths, abilities, and weaknesses based our assessment. Hence, we can decide what we believe about our capability and release feelings of inadequacy.

Since we can think and decide for ourselves, we can choose what task to pursue and how to pursue it to get the best results. We can decide what task to perform first to feel confident and to reach a goal on time

We can choose how we handle situations, whether we react or respond. If one reacts, one allows emotions to control one’s life. When you choose to respond, you put you in control of yourself and your emotions. You protect your dignity. You have taken care of yourself. Thus, you feel competent.

Think of the tasks you do at home and at work and the skills you use to complete them successfully. Be sure to include intangible skills such as determination and patience, which most tasks require. Consider how the things you do meet your daily, wants, and goals and how they benefit others. When you do this, you acknowledge the value of what you do, and thus realize your capability.  Thus, you release feelings of inadequacy.

Ask yourself, “What skills do I use doing these things that I can use to do something new or different?” If you expand the use of your skills to new and different tasks and situations, you strengthen your skills and develop new skills. Thus, you affirm your capability to you. You feel more capable and confident.

Moreover, we have the ability to choose to listen to our gut or inner voice. When you do, you know that you know. You know what you can do, not what others have told you that you can and cannot do. When you follow your inner wisdom, you trust yourself. You do not second guess yourself. Therefore, you feel enough.

©Dorothy Wehunt and https://lifecoachwehunt.com 2019

Be True to Yourself

When we choose to live according to our truth, we are true to ourselves. Then, to be true to yourself means you listen to your inner wisdom and follow it. You live with integrity. You pursue your dream(s).  

Sometimes we repress who we are and live our lives according to the expectations of others to please them. A person may change a hairstyle or color because of peer pressure. A young man who does not want to work in his father’s business does not pursue his dream of becoming a lawyer or a doctor.

Some couples marry when they are not ready to do so because of pressure from family or society to do the “right” thing. Moreover, some have children when they are not ready or do not want children for the same reason. Sometimes one spouse does not communicate the strength of her or his conviction about having or not having children for the other partner to hear it.    

Often one spouse puts aside her dream for the other partner to pursue his interest. The partner does this to please the other partner to keep harmony. However, over time, the partner who sacrificed her interest becomes resentful and angry mostly with herself, and thus becomes determined and declares her independence to pursue her dream.

Living our truth protects us from making mistakes in our personal and professional lives, which cause pain. It prevents self-sacrifice and thus prevents stress, anger, resentment and conflict. It promotes better relationships. Then, living our truth lays a foundation for a healthy, happy, and successful life.

To be true to yourself requires you to know yourself. You are honest with yourself about who you are and what you want. What is your dream? Are the goals you are pursuing your dreams? What career did you want to pursue when you were a child? When you are alone, sitting quietly, where does your mind drift? What do you see, hear and feel?

Being true to yourself calls upon you to believe you deserve to live your truth. It requires you to believe in you and in your ability to reach your goal(s) or fulfill your dream.

In addition, to be true to yourself requires that you commit to yourself. What choices will you make and actions will you take to meet your dream?

To get what we want, we honestly and sincerely communicate our needs to the proper people, parents or a partner, stand by our truth, and not deny who we are and give away our power. If we have not expressed our truth to the right person, and have given away our power, it is up to us to take it back by making another choice to change the course of our life.

One day, three years ago, a female who had worked with her husband for ten years to help him build his repair business surprised and shocked him. She said, “I have decided to go back to school and get a job in the medical profession. I don’t want to climb on roofs the rest of my life.” She loves her job. Though he misses her company and it takes him longer to finish his jobs, he is happy that she is happy.

To feel good about yourself and at peace, make the decision to live your life according to your truth.

©Dorothy Wehunt and https://lifecoachwehunt.com 2019.

Want to Release Comparison

 

Comparing ourselves to others is  self-defeating. It cause us not to see our self as a separate person with individual strengths and abilities. Then, comparing our self to another person leads us to think that the other person has no faults and that we should be like that person. Therefore, this causes one ot feel less than and leads to self-criticism, which further undermines self-esteem.

We learned comparison from authority figures growing up, beginning with our parents comparing us with our siblings. Then, when we started to school, teachers expanded it comparing us to other students. Some may have continued to compare us with our siblings. We received messages such as, “Why don’t you?, Why can’t you?, or Why aren’t you?” Constant and continuous comparison led us to repeat the messages and believe them. Therefore, we habit of comparing ourselves with others.

Are any two people alike? Do identical twins have the same physical characteristics or personality? Each of us is born with certain natural abilities, and thus we perform tasks that call for them easier.

Then, if you discover you are comparing yourself with another person, you want to challenge the comparison by asking yourself, “Does the person I am comparing myself to have more training or experience than I do?” To compare a person who has less training or experience with another person who has more training or experience is unfair.

In addition, ask yourself, “Is this person performing to his potential? Am I doing my best”? Do you recall a fellow student in school growing up who the teachers considered gifted? Did he achieve at her or his potential? Did he go out in the world and perform at his potential? If a person is doing his best, although he has not reached his potential, he has excelled at a degree, which the other person has not.  Then if you are doing your best, why not give yourself credit for what you have achieved and are achieving?  

To stop comparing yourself to others, say to yourself, “I am not her or him. This is who I am.” Challenging the comparison separates you, where you begin and end, from the other person. Doing this demands that you know your strengths and abilities and your weaknesses.    

When we know we possess certain strengths and abilities and that they helped us to meet our goal(s), we feel worthwhile. When we realize the strength or versatility of our skills and abilities, we know what makes us unique and valuable to the world. There is no reason for comparison. 

If you would like to empower yourself and feel better about yourself, act to eliminate comparison.

©Dorothy Wehunt and https://lifecoachwehunt.com 2019.

8 Strategies to Assert Yourself Confidently

Assertiveness is a powerful form of communication that you can you can use to take care of yourself while building positive relationships. If you use it correctly and appropriately on a regular basis, you build self-esteem to the degree that you:

Express your needs and wants – If you ask for what you want using assertiveness, you are telling the other person, “I count” or “I matter.” Doing so is giving yourself respect. If the other person honors your request, you enhance your self-respect even more.

Stand up for yourself – When you stand up for yourself, you are protecting your rights or from taking advantage of you. Each of us has rights. Standing up for your rights is respecting yourself and showing others how to respect you.

Assert decisions – Taking action(s) to meet your needs and wants, reach your goals, and stand up for yourself is taking responsibility for your life.

Validate yourself – When you state your needs, wants, feelings, opinions, thoughts, or beliefs, and concerns to others, you affirm who you are.

Take control of your emotions – Express your needs and wants and say No to get them met and live by your values. Doing so prevents you from feelings of frustration, stress, bitterness, resentment, anger, etc., which leads to aggressive or negative behavior. You gain respect and gain or increase self-respect.

Protect yourself – Saying No to keep someone from taking advantage of you or rescuing you prevents you from becoming a victim. Expressing your strengths to affirm your competence in the workplace can protect your job. With sincere and honest words, you can handle criticism effectively to disarm it and affirm yourself to avoid internalizing the criticism. Using communication to own your feelings and perspectives, not to transfer or impose them on others, prevents external conflict and the associated stress. Expressing your needs, opinions, feelings, rights, etc. and saying no to meet your needs keeps you from beating up on yourself for not doing so.

Be true to yourself– Saying “Yes” and “No” to meet your needs and wants and live by your values is saying YES to yourself. It is living with integrity.

Bring balance to your life – Saying “Yes” and “No” brings stability and peace to your life.

If you begin asserting yourself today, you will notice that you feel better about yourself.

©Dorothy Wehunt and https://lifecoachwehunt.com 2019.

7 Reasons to Become Self-Reliant

 

Self-Reliance is knowing you can stand on your own two feet. It is listening to your inner guidance or nudges, etc., rather than to others or external factors. When you are self-reliant, you believe you can do what you need to become successful and take care of yourself. Then, self-reliance is an essential component for developing high self-esteem and confidence.

With self-reliance, you:

Relinquish the need for approval – You know you have the strengths and abilities to achieve success. Therefore, you pursue your goals and expectations, not those of others. Now, you know you no longer need the approval of others.

Feel motivated –You feel capable or “feel enough.” Therefore, you do not need outside stimulation.

Overcome procrastination – Because you trust your abilities, you have the confidence to tackle new and different tasks. You begin.

Handle situations – When problems occur, you are able to look at each situation as it actually is — the issues, the facts, the conditions, the consequences, etc., not as you would like them to be, to find the right, positive, workable solution.

Release worry – Since you trust your strengths and abilities, you trust yourself to meet any challenges that might occur on your path to success. Thus, you feel in control.

Let go of feelings of helplessness – You no longer have to depend on others or on what they are willing to do and when they are willing to do it.

Protect yourself – Inner-directed, you know you can take care of yourself. Thus, you take responsibility for your inspiration, emotions and reactions, success, livelihood, peace and happiness. When you do, no one lets you down.

Gain self-reliance and increase your self-esteem and self-confidence and thus your success, peace, and happiness.

©Dorothy Wehunt and https://lifecoachwehunt.com 2019. 

Five Strategies for Successful Goal Achievement

 

Would you like to reach your goals in life and thus your success, do so easier and with less stress, and enhance your self-esteem and confidence?

Here are five strategies for successful goal achievement:

Set Realistic Goals – Develop goals based on your previous successes. You know you have the strengths and abilities to reach your goals. You have the inspiration and confidence to act to reach your goals.

Stay on Target – If thoughts of doubt stop your momentum, quickly recall previous successes to remind you of your “I can attitude,” so you continue to pursue your goal.

Live in the Present– A person cannot seize the opportunities of the present to reach their goal living in the past. So forgive your mistakes and let go of guilt. Only briefly visit the past to recall your successes and imagine yourself having similar successes in the present.

Affirm Yourself – Create self-talk around your strengths to reinforce your value to you. When you do, you feel you deserve success. Moreover, doing so helps you to avoid criticizing yourself around your weaknesses. In addition, this positive self-talk will inspire you to action, to focus on the good, to meet challenges that present themselves with confidence, and to expect positive results.

Handle Situations – If an obstacle presents itself, focus on your past successes. Remember challenges that you have overcome and trust your strengths, talents, skills, and inner wisdom to guide you to the right solutions to accomplish your goals. Using problem-solving strategies and asking questions provide structure and guidance to facilitate the process.

If you consider using these proven strategies today, you can build high self-esteem and confidence and thus increase your chance for success.

©Dorothy Wehunt and https://lifecoachwehunt.com 2019

Increase Self-Respect: Release 3 things

To respect ourselves we must find the best within us and live with our best selves. Then we want to overcome the barriers to self-respect, so that we can begin to give ourselves the respect we desire.

Fear of the Unknown – Uncertainty is present in our lives every day. The weather changes. Changes occur at work — Lay-offs, mergers, bosses, and technology. These changes lead to a different way of doing things in the workplace. Society changes. Fear of uncertainty or the unknown can lead to withdrawal, which keeps us from pursuing our dreams, interacting with others and making friends, and thus living a full life. On the other hand, learning to live with uncertainty helps us to develop strength and resilience and become resourceful. Then we are able to go out into the world to use our talents to pursue our goals and dream and contribute to the good of society. When we see our value to the world, we feel worthwhile. Thus, we have greater self-respect.

Resentfulness – It is a combination of envy, revenge, pouting, and temper. When we feel bitterness toward others, they reply in like manner. If they become frustrated and/or angry with us because our feeling of bitterness led to their reaction, they may lash out at us for spreading negative feelings. The resentment grows. Moreover, resentment intensifies and festers within a person and becomes self-destructive. A resentful person is not open to the view of others, which affects relationships and one’s influence with others; fears competition, which causes the person to withdraw from life; and feels stressed.

Boredom – It comes from not knowing what to do with oneself. It is feeling that something is missing in one’s life. Some people may think the void in their lives comes from not having children, not getting married, not living in a different area, or not having a certain positon or degree of career success. If you wish you were someone else, you are contributing to your feeling of emptiness. It is our responsibility to give meaning and purpose to our own life. Not to do so is rejecting yourself. Therefore, you want to know yourself, your strengths, weaknesses, and qualities or characteristics that make you unique and accept yourself. Then, set goals based on them and pursue them.

Begin to eliminate these barriers today. To do so is to pave the way to give yourself the respect you deserve.

©Dorothy Wehunt and https://lifecoachwehunt.com 2019. 

Increase Self-Awareness: Increase Self-Esteem

 

Self-awareness allows us to know what makes us feel good and what does not.  When we know this, we can choose thoughts to “feel enough,” and to like ourselves. To develop greater self-awareness, you want to:

Notice Your Feelings – Your awareness of your feelings in your body – frustration, guilt, anxiety, disappointment, anger, depression, etc., in different situations– signal you to listen to what you are saying to yourself.

Listen to Your Self-talk – When you notice the negative feelings in your body, you want to take the time to listen your self-talk. Then you want to reject or reframe any negative statements. You have the information to guide you in creating self-affirming statements.

Ask Yourself Questions – The answers to the questions you ask yourself  provide you with information to develop new self-talk. Moreover, they can inspire you to create and say positive statements to yourself regularly.

Makes Conscious Choices – Your awareness of negative feelings and messages provide you with the opportunity to choose your self-talk. You can choose statements to feel worthwhile and capable, handle stress, overcome mistakes, fear, worry, etc. and forgive yourself.

To choose self-talk and to make it a habit to feel good about yourself requires you to make a choice to develop self-awareness, know yourself. I hope you will decide to do so today.

©Dorothy Wehunt and https://lifecoachwehunt.com 2019